JOSISTHENEWCOOL

I wrote this a long time ago but hopefully you still like it(whoever you are that still loves me so much to still read my blog after such disappearance )
ok we cannot but agree Jos has been etched on the nigerian entertainment map!Kevin a j boy just achieved a feat yoruba(Bayo) Igbo(ifunneka) et al couldn't do.Nigeria so deserved it the last time but we thank God now 'Jos'tice has been served.There seems to be something about that place.Psquare was exported to Lagos but we took no notice.M.I came and then we began to notice.Sage who is from Minna spent a good chunk of years in Jos.So did Toni Kan,Helon Habila e.t.c(who are award winning writers).A friend of mine who did not follow the first amstel malta street dance competition told me he didnt care what dance teams were in the competition,they couldnt match a group(soul quest) he knew.Alas,soul quest was in the competition and they won and guess what?They are from Jos!
Jos is the new cool.'Jos' now sounds and feels like Lagos.Do you know how many southwest vagabonds are claiming Lagos?Its cool to claim Jos nativity now.'Hi my name is Chibuzor,I'm from Jos!' 'Really?Nice to meet you.My name is Laide I'm also from Jos!'.Anything 'jos' now is cool.Jostina,Joshua,Jostice,Jostin e.t.c. On the night of Kevin's victory,one of our dearest female rappers said on twitter there must be something about Jos.She said she was looking for a Jos boyfriend!Gbam!It was so crazy everyone was tweeting ang googling Jos boy and girlfriends.And that's so good for my ego cos I'm already dating a Jos chic who coincidentally won the award for the most entertaining filmmaker in a movie production institution.Maybe the god of entertainment is in that plateau rock.Maybe Michael Jackson's ancestors where from Jos.Who knows?
Have you been trying to get Ekaette and it's not working?Just tell her you are from Jos and the magic the name 'Kings College' used to have on chics would be evoked! So go out there and add 'Jos' to your data... Have you been denied visa to somalia?Just change your name from 'jeffery' to 'josferry' you would be surprised what the name Jos can do.Even the name 'Jesus' has the sound of 'Jos' buried somewhere in it!

MUTALLAB,THANK YOU JARE!

This piece is a bit late for publishing.Anyways enjoy it!
Sign in your facebook account,search for ‘wellsbaba’,send me a friend request and if you look like a mutallab I’ll accept your request.Obviously you are rich and lonely.Go to my profile description and you’ll find a sentence that says something like ‘viewing the world through my feragamo shades,I see the world in a different color’.Simply put,I’m so objective I’ll take a job to advocate for the devil.
Mutallab has just done what tourism,sports and Nollywood could not do for Nigeria.Even the mult-billion naira driven ‘rebrand Nigeria’ campaign cannot match this.Mutallab just put Nigeria on the WORLD scene again.We are now on the WATCH list of the US govt. and on the ‘watch’ of the world.Bad press,good press,it is press!Controversy,scandal,it is publicity!North Korea is infamous for its nuclear progams.China,wanton abuse of human rights.Russia,super-nigerian corruption.Italy,ultra-PDP Mafia.Just a little digression,do you think Nigerians run organized crime as big and successful as the mafia’s which is definitely worth billions of dollars?Why do we get to look like the bad guys?Just a lil brain teezer…..
Germany has successfully managed and used to her advantage the stigma of Hitler and the holocaust.Statistics show that the percentage of internet crimes committed by Americans multiplies that of Nigerians yet Nigeria is made the black sheep while the US gets grants and support from silicon valley and technology giants and also get to employ the best hackers.Yemen gets multi-million dollar grants from US because it is a haven of terrorists.The irony of life!Dora and Maduekwe can turn this to a grant advantage for us if they really know what they are doing.
Nigerians in our usual fashion have started talking.We are the ones that always know. ‘AH!Okocha should have cut the ball before shooting the ball’ ‘Odewingie can’t play.My son would score that ball’ Always coaches never players.We’ve named mutallab synonymous for anything rich and stupid. ‘Breeze,don’t be such a mutallab!’ ‘How can you call laide a mutallab?Is she rich?Mscheew’.Anyways,back to the subject,Mutallab.I just think he is a victim of opportunistic false teaching.A young boy who was trying to stay pure(unlike many of us,you know yourselves…you!Yes you! Oloju wonko wonko) in this sexually immoral world who was taken advantage of and lured into an anti-western radical movement.At times when I see, Lil Kim at events or some music videos or some girls at Yaba or gay marriages in American CHURCHES,I don’t blame Osama and his boys for their actions.
Guys lets be candid,how many of us stands a chance looked in a room with a couple of the world’s best orators and psychologists who probably graduated from MIT or Harvardpromising you a better tomorrow filled with Beyounce looking bags of pleasure with bottoms that swallow g-strings and they can clap.Boobies so comfortable you don’t need Mouka foam?40 of them!Mutallab must have been thinking ‘Hefner of playboy mansion has nothing on me now’
About the US labeling Nigeria a ‘terrorist state’ I think they did the right thing.Nigeria might not have a proven link with Al queda but we do have terrorists! The Boko Haram debacle revealed the militia had sponsors,training camps(Jesus! Training camps!) and weapons to rebel against the Government!What else is terrorism?No one knew this was going on in here.Lets not continue to live in a fools paradise and open our eyes to the truth,the fact that there have been a myriad of sponsored religious crisis since the 1970s when it began with ‘maitatsine’.A radical Islamic group that believed its leader was the last prophet who was to lock the door of heaven.Hence anyone who died after him would not enter heaven since the door would have been locked.So,these group whenever they fought the Nigerian army that was sent out to stamp them,they threw themselves in front of bullets and bombs.They had to get to heaven before their leader.It was bloody!The army had to stop fighting them and went only after the leader.When the leader was killed,he was displayed publicly.To his followers,heaven had been locked.There was no need to die senselessly again.Pathetic!
Nigeria has been showing too many signs of instability,radicalism and religious fundamentalism.Not only the muslims,what of Rev King?Where is he?

Btw,if you 'follow' my blog i promise to upload regularly.I love blogging but its such a chore going round to comment on all of your blogs!But if my followership increases i definitely would be encouraged to update more.Thankyou blogville....

I NEED A FRIEND

I need a friend
I need a free end
An end I can be free
A close where I’m free
A cul-de-sac I can strip naked
Not a junction where the bus passes
A cocoon I can lick my wounds
A place to caper in the rain
A haven.My heaven.
In heaven I hear they hold hands and sing hallelujah!
This is hell where nobody really has a brother.
I know you heard Brutus betrayed Julius Ceasar
But you really need a sofa
To cushion your crash
To help you relax
Do you know how mother earth survives?
The clouds cry and pour out their burden till they are dehydrated
The ground shares their burden
Collects every single drop of their tears
And sends them vapour to end their thirst.
It’s the water cycle.
I am stagnant water
I long to flow into you freely
I long you pour into me easily
I long we are bound by this cycle
This cycle of concern
I long we are bound.
A bondage of freedom.
I want to be the place for you
I want to be there for you
I want a friend
I want a free end
You don’t have to have a red carpet and chandeliers
I would still cherish you bring my mat and lantern
And stay so you are not lonely.
Just don’t think like Mark Zuckerberg
He says I have a thousand friends
Don’t mind him.
It’s not me.
It’s just a page with my face.
You have to go beyond that phase
To be my friend.
Can you search my soul with google?
Can you know my status with twitter?
Saul seeks to kill David
David needs Jonathan
America is after Scofield
Sucre where are you?
Jacob is on a distressing journey
He needs a place to lay his head
How else would he see the angels if he doesn’t sleep?

adesubomi plumptre your book NO BULLSHIT inspired this poem.thankyou.

GANI'S LAST WORDS

A world renowned preacher and firebrand evangelist was about to die,his doctor asked what he wanted to do with his last moments.He replied with childlike glee “another opportunity to win souls for Christ!”.I wasn’t with sage Gani(I believe he deserves this title) at his last moments so I really have no idea what his last words were. Probably he was professing his love for his wife(we need to appreciate this resourceful woman too.You have no idea what it is to give your husband to Nigeria) but this one thing I know,Gani looking down at Nigeria(I believe he is in heaven)would be startled by the flood of condolences and comments and current of “grief” sweeping across the nation at his death.Forget whatever is portrayed by the media of Gani being strong in death.His death was agonizing!Infact he wept on national TV when he first returned from London after he was diagnosed with cancer.His death was avertable.If only the Nigerian medical system was sound!That was his bane.His pain.
It was in prophylactic of these dastard waste of Nigerian lives,potentials and resources that Gani founded a party-National Conscience Party(NCP) and contested for president in the last presidential elections.Did you vote for him?Who did you vote for?Did,did you even vote at all?Most ran to the polling booth the moment they heard someone was sharing #500.Na wa o.These I believe are exactly Gani’s thoughts. “Where did all these verbose condolences come from?Who are all these strangers?Why are they all pretending to be missing me?When I needed them most they weren’t there for me.When you could have changed a whole lot by voting for me,voting rightly,you did nothing!” I doubt if he had 10000 votes from a nation of 150million.Nigerians we talk too much.Too much and do nothing!All talk no action!As I type this piece I provoke with eruptive anger with every successive word.Also lets stop accusing and blaming “our leaders”(I wonder who coined this phrase).Lets resolve in our heart to do the right thing.No more corruption in any form.Expo.Bribery.Breaking traffic rules et al.Paramount is a national renaissance in our nation and government.The men follow football intensely(even dieing at times) and beer.The women,aristocrazy,fashion,their bodies,fashion(o I already said that) et al and we leave the fate of our country in the hands of greedy tyrannous vampires who have been Nebuchadnezzar for too long!All that is left for evil to thrive is for good men to do nothing.I doubt if any primary school student can recite the national anthem correctly!We are all just going about our lives selfishly and giving no impacting concern to Nigeria.Think not what your country would do for you but what you would your country. Thank Allah,Gani didn’t die for Nigerians(His whole labour would have been wasted).He died for the truth!
No man can live forever.A man’s life lies not on how long but how well.Spartans knew this simple truth.They never sort long life per se but glory and till today we talk about them.Today we are talking about Gani.Thank God churches are now teaching their members to be patriotic and so many individuals are fanning the flame of Nigerian consciousness.The future of Nigeria can be decided by this generation.So what is it going to be?

ALL ABOUT YARDY

This is such a feeble attempt at a come back! Alot has been happening in this our beloved country 9ja(shhhh.... reuben abati said we should stop spelling nigeria like this)
Recently his excellency president Umaru Musa Yar’adua and the Nigerian government have been at the receiving end of such myriad of literal assault in the Nigerian dailies,physical and virtual Nigerian space that I pitied the poor man and asked myself(in defence of the innocent looking Yar’adua) is it that bad?Then my barking generator,empty pocket,fraustrated undergraduate of UNILAG and a sorrowful countenanced mother of a boko haram casualty reminded me that yes,it is that bad!Nevertheless the devil’s advocate in me evokes a picture of Yar’adua on a cross like Jesus suffering for the sins of many.Lets not forget the Yoruba proverb which says when you point an accusing finger at someone,your remaining four fingers point back at you.This is my point,we Nigerians are so quick to castigate “our leaders” while we also are corrupt in one form or the other.The average Nigerian is on default to blame “our leaders”(I wonder who cooked this phrase up) or the government when something goes wrong when he also contributes to the corruption plague.What I am advocating is a national reawakening,a shift from criticizing to patriotism and practical solutions.Legendary Michael Jackson said if you want to change the world start from the man in the mirror.
The Nigerian police has not had sweet sleep since the death of the Boko haram leader in its custody.The international community is asking questions.Nigerians are tongue lashing(as usual).But the truth is that this barbarism and disrespect for humanity is deeply etched in our psyche.It is the norm in Lagos and by extension the whole country for a mob to put the law into their hands and incinerate a captured armed robber(even in broad daylight!).If nigerians were asked to donate tires to move Nigeria forward nobody would but if it is time to set a thief ablaze you’d be surprised at the rate tires,petrol and matches would be produced!Every human is human,has life in him and deserves rights.Every human!That is what it means to be civil.I don’t know about the older Nigerian generation but this present generation of Nigerian youths grew up in nursery and primary schools where teachers ordered them to sing humiliating songs like “olodo rabata” to students that performed poorly in class.This were obviously psychological blows to those less brilliant students who at times cried and peed on their pants as they wallowed in ignominy while the mockers laughed.In secondary schools this inhumanity escalates to physical abuse.If a student steals and is caught,he/she is not taken directly to the necessary authority but first beaten blue black even by his/her friends.Students relish these moments.Its fun but unconsciously a part of them which is human with the capacity to fill pity dies slowly…
As I type this piece,Wande cole speaks on my laptop”Se na like this we go dey dey?”
“I no fit wait o make things for change o,make we join hands make am beta” The change should start from us.Stop taking one way.Stop buying expo for your children.Pay your tax.Stop selling your votes…….Arise o compatriots!


and here is a poem about my beloved 9ja

ADA

Many men have fooled Ada
Many men have used her
Once her lover was a particular soldier
Who returned decades later
A regimented civilian in agbada.
He flagrantly raped her
She birthed a son, Yaradua
Little wonder
(He is as weak as a sicker)

A victim of serial 419ers
Ada has lost over 300billion dollars
The OPC mallam grabbed a dagger
And charged at her con misters
But a con minister
And an inspector general
Launched a theatrical counter
And Waziri became the owner
Of the mallam’s kiosk and dagger

In all the drama
Ada couldn’t even lift a finger
To help the mallam-her helper
Because she was down with AIDS and cancer.

So sickly son examines unhealthy mother
And wanted to make her healthier
So he purchased bleaching cream and powder
Cosmetic products from Estee Laudier
He even hired
A pharmacist to be Ada’s clothier
Who got her Sergio hipsters
That made her as sexy as hip stars.

So sickly son thinks Ada is finer
Meanwhile
The terminal virus in Ada’s blood lingers
The terminal in her blood is suicidal
The virus in her blood lingers……

THE BRODIGAL SON TO BORN AGAIN BLOGGIAN

Blogville,I’ so so sorry for all my sins.For absconding with all the wealth of knowledge and fun you gave to me to putting up a meager 1 post per month.I’ve sinned against heaven and before thee.I’m no longer worthy to be called a blogger.Please forgive me.I accept blogspot as my e-lord and personal screen saver.Let my URL name be written in the blog of life.AMEN!
People I’m so excited and thrilled to be back for shizzle.My fingers keep fidgeting from fever-pitch excitement as I type this post.No more 1post per month.I’ve decided against all odds to be active.I wasn’t happy seeing my comments drop from 40 to 7!I’d b glad if you read and comment my previous posts.Anywais,to the gist of the week,my cousin got married 2weeks ago but his mom supposed this is the time when their bodies would be at “boiling point” and they would be letting out the heat just about anywhere in the crib-in the kitchen,the floor,the toilet,on the TV,in the ceiling,on the generator LOL so she sent me over to live with them in other to spoil their show lol(just kidding) ANywais,I’m staying with them in the meantime.Lastweek my cousin asked me to go get fuel but there was(is) fuel scarcity so I combed the area in search of fuel but I ended up walking around aimlessly.Eventually an okada man who presumed me to be in search of fuel cos I carried a plastic jerrycan approached me and told me he knows where I can get fuel but he would charge me 300naira for transport to and fro.I agreed.Lets call this okada man fineboy agbero.Not quite 10secs into the ride he began to talk.
FBA said next time I cant get fuel I should ask an okada man cos they know “everywhere”.It’s no news that when you lose your way in Lagos you ask an okada man for help cos he definitely knows your destination but FBA gave me a startling insight to what he meant by “everywhere”.He said if I want to buy human head,freshly cut breast or any human body part he can take me to a shop in Ikeja where they are sold.I asked unbelievably “in this broad daylight afternoon?!” He replied yes!I asked how he got to know the place and he informed me in this transportation business you meet all sorts of persons going to different kind of places.FBA said he charges nothing less than 6,000naira for a trip to d “body shop”.He also said at times his passengers are robbers going on a mission.He said a particular thief he carried showed him his pistol and warned him not to stop if any police officer signaled him to otherwise he would blow his ass out!
FBA was hissing as he recounted his experiences to me.He said and I quote “okada no b beta job”.HE makes nothing less than 3,500naira each day but he comes across a lot of mind boggling things he wants to change his job.Not too long ago he picked up this pretty looking hiply dressed chic.Half way into the ride the girl started rubbing her breasts on his back and put her hands on his penis.Old papa wey neva kpansh for like 6years,he lost control of the bike,his whole body was sexually charged.That is another class of passengers he comes across.Girls that don’t want to pay in cash but in kind for their transport fare.He said an average okada man gets quickies everyday from this girls in broad daylight!(charizard u might want to start this business o) They are the promiscuous type who practice “aristocrazy” on a base level.The rest of mankind trade with money they still practice trade by barter using their pussy as the means of exchange.
My ears where full I told him to stop cos I was afraid he would tell me he knows where obama’s babalawo resides.Hope y’all loved my comeback post.Yeah I got a blogger who is sort of new.please cheer her up shes never got a comment on her blog

SPOKEN WORD- A RISING CULTURE IN NIGERIA

If you reside in Nigeria especially Lagos then you must have heard spoken word atleast once unless you don't have a
TV-probably you have been crushed by economic recession for the last 3years or you are a deeper life member.Otherwise
you must have heard the signature oral rendition of poetry on Hip TV by sage.That is spoken word.
Like any other art
it is a vent for expression.Spoken word is like hiphop without beats(though attimes it is accompanied by mild sounds
from mostly the konga)with dense lyrics,conscious content layed out in rhymes and rythmes.It is spoken poetry!It
thrives on oratory prowess as the poem must be heard,rhymes felt and the rhythme with the help of the mastery of tone
-timing,stress,silence e.t.c deliver the intended impact on the listeners.Don't be puzzled you don't know spoken word.
It is not globally well known like it's counterparts hiphop and rap.It is chiefly alive amongst the african americans.
Talib Kweli,Tupac,The last poets e.t.c are tad examples of black american spoken word poets.there is just a thin line
between spoken word and hip hop(note,hip hop not rap).They are both a state of mind,employ poetry but the former is
deeper.In the 1960's,The Last Poets brought spoken word to limelight but it faded to obscurity years later.Then in the
1990's Michael Algonquin brought it back on the horizon and since then the sky has been its limit.The music business
mogul-Russell Simmons,holds an annual word slam competition for spoken word poets with thousand in attendance;a sort
of American Idol.But beyond the african american romance with spoken word,spoken word has been around since the
rudimentary ages of man when he wasn't civilised enough to write so poetry had to be done orally.
Like other afro american music cultures-Jazz,Rap,Hip hop e.t.c,Spoken word has also filtered down to Nigeria.In a
journalistic quest to probe this happening,I tried to overturned the Olumo rock all in a bid to make sure I left no
stone unturned but all to no avail.Spoken word shot out of obscurity in Nigeria with Sage's performance at the 2006
Hip Hop World Awards.It was electrifying.Lagos,Nigeria was watching.Spoken word became a city on a hill,it could no
longer be hidden in Nigeria.Spoken word became the lighted torch that gave light to a whole room and pulled flies and
insects to it's orbit.Nigeria saw something new and poetic and thirsty souls were won over.Trailing the growth of
spoken word in Nigeria in the last 3years is foggy but it has grown from the nurturing of institutions like Goethe
Institut,British Council,African Art Foundation e.t.c who organize workshops and/or randevous-word slam,Wapi,Writer's
Anonymous respectively for spoken word poets to learn,develop,compete and interact.Though spoken word in Nigeria is
still a baby,it has already birthed talented spoken word artistes in the likes of Beautiful Nubia,Storytellers,Sage
Hasson,Jumoke Fola Alade e.t.c who have all released a spoken word album.
Spoken word is a serious form of art and it is apt for expressions of emotions-fraustration,hope,faith e.t.c of the
Nigerian.Hopefully,it is here to stay.