Saturday, June 25, 2011


I have over the months struggled with the idea of returning to blogging but time won't just let me. Man must wack! No food for lazy lol. Well, due to some certain insight I have resolved to start blogging again. I missed here and I learnt a lo
t. I miss all you guys( #youknowyourselves) Below is a short story I wrote a while back. By the way, I'm a freelance writer and I need more writing jobs and opportunities o! Hope you enjoy it.

Besides playing chess the only thing Jamiu did good was playing chess. From the early age of 9, Jamiu would frequent the local catholic priests, raptured in the mystery and magnificence of the game, he would watch keenly as they played. 'Chess, a game of deep thought, calculations and choices' the missionaries -who had left their comfort, always said to Jamiu.
In Nigeria the elite played chess, Jamiu's class fancied draughts. Aged pot bellied men would sit on opposite ends of a bench with a draughts board in the middle; playing with one hand chelsea london dry gin in the other, chatting, cursing and gossiping their lives away. Their young ones preferred thuggery, girls, patronizing video gaming shops and fiddling with drugs and alcohol. They had nothing to do with the mentally taxing. Jamiu dropped out of Aunty Bose Secondary School. His business studies teacher once asked him if fishery was an extraction, manufacture or service business, he stuttered 'mani, mani, manifashure'.
Jamiu thought nothing but chess. He literarily ate chess. He would miss lunch gazing at white and black plastic images ceaselessly for hours, muttering to himself. He would move a piece, stand up and switch to the opposite end of the board and then move an opposite colored piece. Mama Risi - his mother, would hopelessly stare at him, place her two hands on her head and move her head; left, right, left, right. Tears streaming down she would let out a pathetic hiss. She thought her son had gone mad. Emeka was making some money for himself trading, Lamidi was a conductor. He made #1,100 per day. Bisi had started her own paraga joint. China even sponsored himself to the University. Kunle alias black tiger was now in the agbero business. He put a girl in the family way and his mother would soon become a grand mother, mama Risi thought. She lamented her son's madness; always talking to himself, playing with images that looked like 'shigidi' to her. She suspected iya kunle. They had had a quarel. Iya kunle must have bewitched Jamiu she thought.
Jamiu's drunk father didn't
care whether Jamiu was Esu odara's puppet or not, he simply kicked Jamiu out, to fend for himself. Life was a game of chess, life had played, it was now Jamiu'
s move.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


I wrote this piece about a year ago but after the recent unfortunate happenings I have decided to edit the post and reupload it. Mutallab just put Nigeria on the world scene. Even the multi-billion naira driven 'rebrand Nigeria' campaign couldn't neither Nigeria's super eagles nor her #3 world's biggest movie industry - Nollywood has brought her this much global spotlight at once. Nigeria is now on the terrorist WATCH list of the US government. and on the ‘watch’ of the world but Nigeria begs to differ lamenting a single act of attempted suicide bombing by her (born but not bred) citizen is not reasonable to label a whole country a terrorist state. On the contrary, Nigeria might not have a proven link with Al queda but the country has continually experienced sponsored religious upheavals and movements in different states as far back as the 1970s when it began with a radical islamic group- Maitatsine. It believed its leader was the last prophet according to the holy quran to shut heaven's door once and for all. Hence every dead after the closing goes to hell. Their goal was simple. Die before the prophet or go to hell! It was a mass and bloody suicide mission. The followers would throw themselves in front of bombs and bullets fired by the government forces sent to stamp them. Nigerian Government soon realised this method aided their course so it went after only the group's leader and after he was killed his corpse was shown to his followers. Heaven had been shut! The madness stopped. Nigeria has been showing too many signs of instability, radicalism and religious fundamentalism. The Boko Haram debacle in Jos and Benue state revealed the islamic militia had a philosophy, sponsors,training camps and weapons to rebel against the Government! What else is terrorism?Nigeria's minister of information Prof. Dora Akinyuli has made a weak attempt to defend the country against the labeling by the US government in a vague statement 'nigerians are good people'. Sterner moves and contacts need to be made to quell the higher rate of american visa denials that awaits nigerians and intensive search of arrivals from Nigeria at international airports as a result of the national stigma. In the miraculous absence of Nigeria's president who is said to be receiving treatment in a Saudi Arabia hospital, the minister of information and the minister for foreign affairs need to mitigate and manage the foul mess. Ironically, Yemen recieves tens of millions of dollars from the US for being a terrorist haven. Commonsense let's us know nigerians don't run cartels has big and successful as the mafians and neither are they responsible for up to half of the percentage of internet crimes committed by americans yet they are seen as the black sheep of this generation. Obviously a minister of foreign affairs responsible for the international image of the country is not doing his/her job efficiently.P.S. I wrote this over a year ago and then everyone disagreed with me over Nigeria being a terrorist state. On christmas and new year's eve bombs exploded in Jos and Abuja respectively and the Boko Haram islamic group have sent tapes to TV stations claiming responsibility for the bombings. I guess they just confirmed my views. I pray for Nigeria nevertheless

Thursday, April 1, 2010


I wrote this a long time ago but hopefully you still like it(whoever you are that still loves me so much to still read my blog after such disappearance )
ok we cannot but agree Jos has been etched on the nigerian entertainment map!Kevin a j boy just achieved a feat yoruba(Bayo) Igbo(ifunneka) et al couldn't do.Nigeria so deserved it the last time but we thank God now 'Jos'tice has been served.There seems to be something about that place.Psquare was exported to Lagos but we took no notice.M.I came and then we began to notice.Sage who is from Minna spent a good chunk of years in Jos.So did Toni Kan,Helon Habila e.t.c(who are award winning writers).A friend of mine who did not follow the first amstel malta street dance competition told me he didnt care what dance teams were in the competition,they couldnt match a group(soul quest) he knew.Alas,soul quest was in the competition and they won and guess what?They are from Jos!
Jos is the new cool.'Jos' now sounds and feels like Lagos.Do you know how many southwest vagabonds are claiming Lagos?Its cool to claim Jos nativity now.'Hi my name is Chibuzor,I'm from Jos!' 'Really?Nice to meet you.My name is Laide I'm also from Jos!'.Anything 'jos' now is cool.Jostina,Joshua,Jostice,Jostin e.t.c. On the night of Kevin's victory,one of our dearest female rappers said on twitter there must be something about Jos.She said she was looking for a Jos boyfriend!Gbam!It was so crazy everyone was tweeting ang googling Jos boy and girlfriends.And that's so good for my ego cos I'm already dating a Jos chic who coincidentally won the award for the most entertaining filmmaker in a movie production institution.Maybe the god of entertainment is in that plateau rock.Maybe Michael Jackson's ancestors where from Jos.Who knows?
Have you been trying to get Ekaette and it's not working?Just tell her you are from Jos and the magic the name 'Kings College' used to have on chics would be evoked! So go out there and add 'Jos' to your data... Have you been denied visa to somalia?Just change your name from 'jeffery' to 'josferry' you would be surprised what the name Jos can do.Even the name 'Jesus' has the sound of 'Jos' buried somewhere in it!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


This piece is a bit late for publishing.Anyways enjoy it!
Sign in your facebook account,search for ‘wellsbaba’,send me a friend request and if you look like a mutallab I’ll accept your request.Obviously you are rich and lonely.Go to my profile description and you’ll find a sentence that says something like ‘viewing the world through my feragamo shades,I see the world in a different color’.Simply put,I’m so objective I’ll take a job to advocate for the devil.
Mutallab has just done what tourism,sports and Nollywood could not do for Nigeria.Even the mult-billion naira driven ‘rebrand Nigeria’ campaign cannot match this.Mutallab just put Nigeria on the WORLD scene again.We are now on the WATCH list of the US govt. and on the ‘watch’ of the world.Bad press,good press,it is press!Controversy,scandal,it is publicity!North Korea is infamous for its nuclear progams.China,wanton abuse of human rights.Russia,super-nigerian corruption.Italy,ultra-PDP Mafia.Just a little digression,do you think Nigerians run organized crime as big and successful as the mafia’s which is definitely worth billions of dollars?Why do we get to look like the bad guys?Just a lil brain teezer…..
Germany has successfully managed and used to her advantage the stigma of Hitler and the holocaust.Statistics show that the percentage of internet crimes committed by Americans multiplies that of Nigerians yet Nigeria is made the black sheep while the US gets grants and support from silicon valley and technology giants and also get to employ the best hackers.Yemen gets multi-million dollar grants from US because it is a haven of terrorists.The irony of life!Dora and Maduekwe can turn this to a grant advantage for us if they really know what they are doing.
Nigerians in our usual fashion have started talking.We are the ones that always know. ‘AH!Okocha should have cut the ball before shooting the ball’ ‘Odewingie can’t play.My son would score that ball’ Always coaches never players.We’ve named mutallab synonymous for anything rich and stupid. ‘Breeze,don’t be such a mutallab!’ ‘How can you call laide a mutallab?Is she rich?Mscheew’.Anyways,back to the subject,Mutallab.I just think he is a victim of opportunistic false teaching.A young boy who was trying to stay pure(unlike many of us,you know yourselves…you!Yes you! Oloju wonko wonko) in this sexually immoral world who was taken advantage of and lured into an anti-western radical movement.At times when I see, Lil Kim at events or some music videos or some girls at Yaba or gay marriages in American CHURCHES,I don’t blame Osama and his boys for their actions.
Guys lets be candid,how many of us stands a chance looked in a room with a couple of the world’s best orators and psychologists who probably graduated from MIT or Harvardpromising you a better tomorrow filled with Beyounce looking bags of pleasure with bottoms that swallow g-strings and they can clap.Boobies so comfortable you don’t need Mouka foam?40 of them!Mutallab must have been thinking ‘Hefner of playboy mansion has nothing on me now’
About the US labeling Nigeria a ‘terrorist state’ I think they did the right thing.Nigeria might not have a proven link with Al queda but we do have terrorists! The Boko Haram debacle revealed the militia had sponsors,training camps(Jesus! Training camps!) and weapons to rebel against the Government!What else is terrorism?No one knew this was going on in here.Lets not continue to live in a fools paradise and open our eyes to the truth,the fact that there have been a myriad of sponsored religious crisis since the 1970s when it began with ‘maitatsine’.A radical Islamic group that believed its leader was the last prophet who was to lock the door of heaven.Hence anyone who died after him would not enter heaven since the door would have been locked.So,these group whenever they fought the Nigerian army that was sent out to stamp them,they threw themselves in front of bullets and bombs.They had to get to heaven before their leader.It was bloody!The army had to stop fighting them and went only after the leader.When the leader was killed,he was displayed publicly.To his followers,heaven had been locked.There was no need to die senselessly again.Pathetic!
Nigeria has been showing too many signs of instability,radicalism and religious fundamentalism.Not only the muslims,what of Rev King?Where is he?

Btw,if you 'follow' my blog i promise to upload regularly.I love blogging but its such a chore going round to comment on all of your blogs!But if my followership increases i definitely would be encouraged to update more.Thankyou blogville....

Monday, September 28, 2009


I need a friend
I need a free end
An end I can be free
A close where I’m free
A cul-de-sac I can strip naked
Not a junction where the bus passes
A cocoon I can lick my wounds
A place to caper in the rain
A haven.My heaven.
In heaven I hear they hold hands and sing hallelujah!
This is hell where nobody really has a brother.
I know you heard Brutus betrayed Julius Ceasar
But you really need a sofa
To cushion your crash
To help you relax
Do you know how mother earth survives?
The clouds cry and pour out their burden till they are dehydrated
The ground shares their burden
Collects every single drop of their tears
And sends them vapour to end their thirst.
It’s the water cycle.
I am stagnant water
I long to flow into you freely
I long you pour into me easily
I long we are bound by this cycle
This cycle of concern
I long we are bound.
A bondage of freedom.
I want to be the place for you
I want to be there for you
I want a friend
I want a free end
You don’t have to have a red carpet and chandeliers
I would still cherish you bring my mat and lantern
And stay so you are not lonely.
Just don’t think like Mark Zuckerberg
He says I have a thousand friends
Don’t mind him.
It’s not me.
It’s just a page with my face.
You have to go beyond that phase
To be my friend.
Can you search my soul with google?
Can you know my status with twitter?
Saul seeks to kill David
David needs Jonathan
America is after Scofield
Sucre where are you?
Jacob is on a distressing journey
He needs a place to lay his head
How else would he see the angels if he doesn’t sleep?

adesubomi plumptre your book NO BULLSHIT inspired this poem.thankyou.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


A world renowned preacher and firebrand evangelist was about to die,his doctor asked what he wanted to do with his last moments.He replied with childlike glee “another opportunity to win souls for Christ!”.I wasn’t with sage Gani(I believe he deserves this title) at his last moments so I really have no idea what his last words were. Probably he was professing his love for his wife(we need to appreciate this resourceful woman too.You have no idea what it is to give your husband to Nigeria) but this one thing I know,Gani looking down at Nigeria(I believe he is in heaven)would be startled by the flood of condolences and comments and current of “grief” sweeping across the nation at his death.Forget whatever is portrayed by the media of Gani being strong in death.His death was agonizing!Infact he wept on national TV when he first returned from London after he was diagnosed with cancer.His death was avertable.If only the Nigerian medical system was sound!That was his bane.His pain.
It was in prophylactic of these dastard waste of Nigerian lives,potentials and resources that Gani founded a party-National Conscience Party(NCP) and contested for president in the last presidential elections.Did you vote for him?Who did you vote for?Did,did you even vote at all?Most ran to the polling booth the moment they heard someone was sharing #500.Na wa o.These I believe are exactly Gani’s thoughts. “Where did all these verbose condolences come from?Who are all these strangers?Why are they all pretending to be missing me?When I needed them most they weren’t there for me.When you could have changed a whole lot by voting for me,voting rightly,you did nothing!” I doubt if he had 10000 votes from a nation of 150million.Nigerians we talk too much.Too much and do nothing!All talk no action!As I type this piece I provoke with eruptive anger with every successive word.Also lets stop accusing and blaming “our leaders”(I wonder who coined this phrase).Lets resolve in our heart to do the right thing.No more corruption in any form.Expo.Bribery.Breaking traffic rules et al.Paramount is a national renaissance in our nation and government.The men follow football intensely(even dieing at times) and beer.The women,aristocrazy,fashion,their bodies,fashion(o I already said that) et al and we leave the fate of our country in the hands of greedy tyrannous vampires who have been Nebuchadnezzar for too long!All that is left for evil to thrive is for good men to do nothing.I doubt if any primary school student can recite the national anthem correctly!We are all just going about our lives selfishly and giving no impacting concern to Nigeria.Think not what your country would do for you but what you would your country. Thank Allah,Gani didn’t die for Nigerians(His whole labour would have been wasted).He died for the truth!
No man can live forever.A man’s life lies not on how long but how well.Spartans knew this simple truth.They never sort long life per se but glory and till today we talk about them.Today we are talking about Gani.Thank God churches are now teaching their members to be patriotic and so many individuals are fanning the flame of Nigerian consciousness.The future of Nigeria can be decided by this generation.So what is it going to be?

Monday, September 7, 2009


This is such a feeble attempt at a come back! Alot has been happening in this our beloved country 9ja(shhhh.... reuben abati said we should stop spelling nigeria like this)
Recently his excellency president Umaru Musa Yar’adua and the Nigerian government have been at the receiving end of such myriad of literal assault in the Nigerian dailies,physical and virtual Nigerian space that I pitied the poor man and asked myself(in defence of the innocent looking Yar’adua) is it that bad?Then my barking generator,empty pocket,fraustrated undergraduate of UNILAG and a sorrowful countenanced mother of a boko haram casualty reminded me that yes,it is that bad!Nevertheless the devil’s advocate in me evokes a picture of Yar’adua on a cross like Jesus suffering for the sins of many.Lets not forget the Yoruba proverb which says when you point an accusing finger at someone,your remaining four fingers point back at you.This is my point,we Nigerians are so quick to castigate “our leaders” while we also are corrupt in one form or the other.The average Nigerian is on default to blame “our leaders”(I wonder who cooked this phrase up) or the government when something goes wrong when he also contributes to the corruption plague.What I am advocating is a national reawakening,a shift from criticizing to patriotism and practical solutions.Legendary Michael Jackson said if you want to change the world start from the man in the mirror.
The Nigerian police has not had sweet sleep since the death of the Boko haram leader in its custody.The international community is asking questions.Nigerians are tongue lashing(as usual).But the truth is that this barbarism and disrespect for humanity is deeply etched in our psyche.It is the norm in Lagos and by extension the whole country for a mob to put the law into their hands and incinerate a captured armed robber(even in broad daylight!).If nigerians were asked to donate tires to move Nigeria forward nobody would but if it is time to set a thief ablaze you’d be surprised at the rate tires,petrol and matches would be produced!Every human is human,has life in him and deserves rights.Every human!That is what it means to be civil.I don’t know about the older Nigerian generation but this present generation of Nigerian youths grew up in nursery and primary schools where teachers ordered them to sing humiliating songs like “olodo rabata” to students that performed poorly in class.This were obviously psychological blows to those less brilliant students who at times cried and peed on their pants as they wallowed in ignominy while the mockers laughed.In secondary schools this inhumanity escalates to physical abuse.If a student steals and is caught,he/she is not taken directly to the necessary authority but first beaten blue black even by his/her friends.Students relish these moments.Its fun but unconsciously a part of them which is human with the capacity to fill pity dies slowly…
As I type this piece,Wande cole speaks on my laptop”Se na like this we go dey dey?”
“I no fit wait o make things for change o,make we join hands make am beta” The change should start from us.Stop taking one way.Stop buying expo for your children.Pay your tax.Stop selling your votes…….Arise o compatriots!

and here is a poem about my beloved 9ja


Many men have fooled Ada
Many men have used her
Once her lover was a particular soldier
Who returned decades later
A regimented civilian in agbada.
He flagrantly raped her
She birthed a son, Yaradua
Little wonder
(He is as weak as a sicker)

A victim of serial 419ers
Ada has lost over 300billion dollars
The OPC mallam grabbed a dagger
And charged at her con misters
But a con minister
And an inspector general
Launched a theatrical counter
And Waziri became the owner
Of the mallam’s kiosk and dagger

In all the drama
Ada couldn’t even lift a finger
To help the mallam-her helper
Because she was down with AIDS and cancer.

So sickly son examines unhealthy mother
And wanted to make her healthier
So he purchased bleaching cream and powder
Cosmetic products from Estee Laudier
He even hired
A pharmacist to be Ada’s clothier
Who got her Sergio hipsters
That made her as sexy as hip stars.

So sickly son thinks Ada is finer
The terminal virus in Ada’s blood lingers
The terminal in her blood is suicidal
The virus in her blood lingers……